Coach Channell the Communist
The last sighting of Coach Channell in Oliver Springs was in his classroom the last week of spring semester 2021. Afterwards he mysteriously disappeared never to be seen again, but allegedly he went to teach at Harriman High School. Our secret double agent informant has been tracking him ever since we received a tip off on Ms. Channel. When working undercover as an exoticrat tamer looking for recruits, they went to Ms. Channell’s room and witnessed the whole thing go down.
According to their file, our informant stated, “He was caged up in a hotdog suit and was rolled out the back door as she was handed the cash in a mop bucket.” From there, our agent placed a tracker onto the heavy metal car, blasting Big Time Rush on the radio. She followed it for months, trying to locate their target ,which eventually led her back to her own headquarters. Sometime in July 2021, they arrived back in Russia and were called in for an urgent debriefing by their boss. It was reported that there was a new head of the Russian military and our informant was to be his right hand man. They spent the rest of the year getting close, but never actually finding who they were working for, until February 2022.
Our informant learned that the Russian dictator had emerged from the human trafficking side of the black market through gaining and selling information. He eventually built his way to the top and became friends with Putin through a game of pickleball. His plan to take over Ukraine was born from the sheer hatred of their native delicacy, boiled guinea pig. And that's when we knew; the new Russian dictator that invaded and declared war on Ukraine was Coach Channell.
Comments